Again my eyes open to that morning dong. This morning I don’t quite have the same feeling though. I didn’t get enough sleep and I am unable to do anything in the morning. This only frustrates me gradually more and more.
After lunch, it wasn’t getting much better. Memories of my past kept creeping up on me. Some memories which only lead to pure anger in my mind. Then, using a tip I learnt from the couple beforehand, I take this anger of mine and mentally place it inside a box. I gently place the lid on top and write in perfect letters ‘Anger’ which I then continue to label the front of the box. With both hands I pick up the box carefully and place it on my mental shelf of emotions and feelings. I do the same with frustration, hurt and upset and line them all up next to each other neatly and meticulously. I then look across the shelf to a box labelled ‘Happiness’, reach out to grab it and open it slowly. As I open it, I say to myself ‘Now let’s grab something in here which makes you happy…. Like…’ I reach in and remove my hand carefully. ‘… Like being here right now in India.’ I smile inside and out and open my eyes. I feel so relieved and happy. I feel small tears seep from the corners of my eyes.
Maybe I can do this after all?
The day continues and another moment arises where I can’t concentrate very well. My body feels nothing but pain. And then something bizarre happens. Something which I only realise an hour later. For literally the whole hour I have been concentrating firmly on my breathing. When I finally open my eyes, they are difficult to open. They have been shut and concentrated for such a long time, that they struggled to open when I told them to.
I now have a huge smile on my face. Bigger than anything. I did it! I can actually do this! THIS is why I am here.
I was previously considering the fact that maybe because I am the youngest of the group that maybe I’m too young, immature, restless, stubborn, childish to be able to take this as seriously or to do as well as others.
Then again, maybe because I’m young that I’m more open minded to adapt and learn this techbique than others?
By end of day I feel completely drained. I colaspe onto my bed and sleep.