At 4am, I wake up to the morning dong of the beginning. I’m anxious to what my day has waiting for me. Then comes a ringing bell which gets louder and louder the closer it gets to my room. Tiredness quickly passes my body as I jump up with full excitement. I turn my lights on and head for the bathroom. It’s half way through washing my face with a white face wash that I realise my bathroom light has a dodgy connection. It blinks a few times and then stays off. The light from my actual room isn’t bright or close enough to help me out and all I have is the hope that I manage to wash it all off in complete darkness.
I throw on my clothes, brush my teeth, slurp some water and run out on hearing the second sound of bells. In such a panicked rush to ensure that I’m not running late, my flip flops aren’t even correctly placed on my feet. As I walk quickly to the meditation hall, I pull my hair back tightly into a bun to ensure that nothing is going to distract me. The more formal and prepared I feel, the more likely I am to continue this physically.
We get shown to our set cushion one by one, get a short introduction and then we are left. Not physically left, the teachers and there. But with our legs crossed, arms neatly placed and our eyes shut, we end up being alone anyway.
Trying to sit still and concentrate on breathing was difficult. But it sounded so simple so why was I unable to complete such a simple task?!
It had been such a struggle. It was before sunrise and I was unable to concentrate. Constantly thoughts were running through my mind and I couldn’t help it.
What had I let myself in for? Had I really been aware of what this would entail? Yes I read about it very carefully but I don’t think that I actually acknowledged any of this information.
Can I really do this for 10 hardcore days straight? People warned me that I would end up asking myself this very question.
If I wanted to leave then I should just leave. It’s logical. But did I want to leave? I pondered whether this was for me. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I was just kidding myself. Clearly with my lack of concentration and ability to be able to just think solely about my breathing, I wasn’t taking this seriously.
But the day finally ends, I scuttle to my room and knockout.
Day 1 down. Plenty more to go…

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