It’s funny because when I was young and naïve (more so than now), I used to believe that love and sex were two completely separate things. Love was something in fairy tales which made lights twinkle upon every magical kiss. Your right foot would lift up towards your backside and it would be the most perfect feeling in the world. Sex, to me at the time, was a thing which adults did just for the sake of doing it and sharing the details with friends like the next step after kissing behind the bike sheds. Though bear in mind that I was indeed in primary school when these thoughts were in my mind.

It was only years later in life that I realised that sex and love could be connected in such a passionate way that there really is no better feeling in the world. And it makes me feel so lucky to have been so close to another that I could do ANYTHING and it wouldn’t be something to be embarrassed or worried about. The feeling of being able to feel free and being able to trust someone else with your money, life, soul and body is like nothing I could have ever dreamt of being able to feel and comprehend. And it’s such a magnificent feeling like this which has made me realise that sex isn’t actually anything to me without the love. It’s just an impassionate act to be shared with a stranger. Without the connection. Without the emotion. And quite frankly that doesn’t turn me on in the slightest. Not anymore.

And I’ve met some gorgeous guys since my last relationship but I never seem to be even remotely sexually interested in any of them. Maybe it’s the being in India and sex and boys not being my interest at all. Or maybe my mind and body is telling me to abstain till my next ‘true love’. I see this as rather ironic given the lack of belief I had for the word and feeling ‘love’.

I’ll wait to see what and who the future brings me…

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