So it’s the day that I leave the centre. I foresaw an ultimate lie in followed by breakfast, a chit chat and then a trip to Gaya train station to get to my next destination, Varanasi. This wasn’t quite the case; the bell rang at 4am and meditation started again for the final time. Even though I knew that it would be the very last time during the period of this course, it still felt like pure torture when I was thinking about it whilst walking to the mediation hall. My mind and body had endured Read more [...]

That’s it. I have finally made it. It’s the final day and I managed to last the whole 10 days. I feel like my worst aspect in my personality of stubbornness had enabled me to complete this course with pure determination. I feel happy, fresh, peaceful, harmonious and invigorated. It’s an amazing feeling, quite easily the best feeling I have ever felt before in life. With my mental release of this Vipassana prison I choose to relax the mind and body and just observe what is happening now without Read more [...]

Today I genuinely think that I’ve hit a wall. I’m so close to the end and yet I’m feeling the want to cave. It’s downright ridiculous. How can this day of all of them be the most difficult? Nothing wanted to cooperate. Not my body. Not my mind. And not my soul. I was feeling tired, drowsy and pathetic. I put the soles of my feet together and place my knees to the ground. I then continue to flump my body down and rest my head onto my feet so that I look like a giant frog-like creature. Moments Read more [...]

Remaining completely silent allows you to build extraordinary relationships with people who you have never spoken to. It’s completely and utterly captivating. My dearest neighbour was the one whom I cared for the most. She was the sweetest old lady; beautifully thin and elegant in her sari’s which she paraded around the centre. She would have this habit of always peering her head past my door as she slowly glided to and from her room. When it came to eating any food I created my own designated Read more [...]

Today I decided to go against what I said previously and try using my meditation cell again. I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice because the old students were to have an interview in the main group hall. We all had these ‘interviews’ which basically involved them calling out an individual’s name one by one and then they take it in turns to walk to the front and sit on a tiny cushion directly in front of your designated teacher depending on your gender (women go to the female teacher, Read more [...]

After each talk before bed you would hear the same encouraging words being spoken gently and slowly ‘If you continue working diligently then you are bound to be successful… Bound to be successful’ which would then continue after a good 5 second pause with ‘Take rest… Take rest’. With my eyes still shut I could hear with my heightened senses the teacher standing to leave and return to his residence. There was then a scuffled return with the casual normal toned voice of ‘Oh, beware of Read more [...]

Equanimity. Today this word circles my mind. I lie in my bed and continuously repeat the word. Equanimity. Equanimity. Equanimity. The more I say it, the more I feel it. During meditation I get so into the fact that the pains in my legs are impermanent and that I don’t get angry, frustrated or even feel the need to move them at all. After a while I am just about to change my position but just before I do I ask myself ‘Why? Why do I feel like I need to move them? Do I feel pain?’ But I don’t Read more [...]

It’s the first time that I choose to use my designated cell and it really does feel like prison. It’s a tiny room which isn’t even big enough to fit a bed. There is just a single mat which is placed in the centre of the room and a minuscule round window at the back with a little blue curtain. There was a light bulb connection but no bulb. Upon sitting on my mat facing the door, all I could see was my closed door with a criss-crossed window at the bottom to see into the outside corridor. Read more [...]

I managed to make 52 minutes with a perfectly straight back and moving my legs, arms and back MINIMALLY. Fantastic! I was gutted that those final 8 minutes seemed so far away though. Still, I’m incredibly proud of myself. AND I managed to do it after small amounts of sleep at 4:30AM! I could NEVER do anything in the past mornings but today I actually managed to fully focus. And focus on meditation rather than food or my lack of sleep like usual. Go me! And then everything changed… It became Read more [...]