Especially during these tough days, my dearest brother has popped up in my mind on many occasions. I do miss him dearly and hope that he is well. Given that I’m out of any communication with anyone, it’s impossible for me to officially know or ask, instead all I can do is hope and assume that he is safe, well and happy. Before having left for this meditation retreat, I sent him a small letter full of thoughts and feelings and generally chit chat which we have been unable to have given our Read more [...]

Again I put past any pain I was feeling and stayed stubborn and adamant that I was not to move my legs whatsoever. My leg began feeling the same deep amount of numbness after about 40 minutes of the same position and so I felt that a quick 10 second relief was necessary. This time I kept my eyes completely shut and decided to move my leg as mindfully as possible without disturbing my hands. With my eyes closed and concentrated, I was unable to tell if my leg was being lifted or not. In my mind I Read more [...]

People assume that meditation is pretty simple. You just sit there and try not to think about anything for longs periods at a time, right? Wrong! No one (including myself) considers the fact that you are meant to sit in an awkward position which you are not used to for horrific and painful amounts. This pain which you end up feeling is purely agonising. It’s not like anything I have ever felt before at all. It’s not like cutting your leg; it hurts initially but then after some ooh’s and ahh’s Read more [...]

The morning couldn’t have started any worse. I have a rumbling tummy and I’m much more fidgety than normal. There’s a huge chance that during my meditation that I may have fallen asleep for a few moments. In the past few days I have moved a lot but I have been moving mindfully, so it’s okay. It’s acceptable. Today it’s not quite the same. I don’t think that I could have been jumping from position to position any less mindfully. My eyes constantly open, gazing at nothing in front Read more [...]

One would assume that if you go to a meditation centre that it would be as silent and peaceful as possible. Everyone else who is there is after the same end results as you and so everyone will try to keep such a peaceful atmosphere so as not to disturb or distract anyone else from what their meant to be doing, right? Wrong! The Indian habits continue throughout. And by this I mean that there was constant belching from start to finish in each session. The most surprising thing is that this disgusting Read more [...]

As each day passes I can consistently hear the words 'patiently and persistently' running trough my head. I'm starting to see the connection between my mind, body and soul. I treat them as three different people, addressing them separately. Every time my mind would drift from concentration on my breathing to something else I would say to my mind 'Okay. Dearest mind, you have drifted. I acknowledge this. I accept this. And I love you. Now back to breathing please...' And this would happen as many Read more [...]

I wake up tired. Again I struggle to concentrate this morning even though my body hurts less. I assumed that less bodily pain would keep me from fidgeting so much. This was not the case. If anything I found the need to fidget more. As soon as the delicious breakfast food had filled up my stomach I am able to concentrate again. I am able to focus on my sensations which I am feeling in my triangular area surrounding my nose and upper lip. I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Another meditation session Read more [...]

Again my eyes open to that morning dong. This morning I don't quite have the same feeling though. I didn't get enough  sleep and I am unable to do anything in the morning. This only frustrates me gradually more and more. After lunch, it wasn't getting much better. Memories of my past kept creeping up on me. Some memories which only lead to pure anger in my mind. Then, using a tip I learnt from the couple beforehand, I take this anger of mine and mentally place it inside a box. I gently place the Read more [...]

When it comes to the free food which was given on a daily basis, I assumed that it would be the cheapest and simplest of grub. It’s not as if we were currently under pressure to donate anything. Here they could clearly just end up losing money. I did joke around with friends and family saying that I hope they had a buffet and that I could eat as much as I wanted. This was an absurd suggestion but humorous and ideal to consider. It turns out that it wasn’t such a crazy mental hope. We did actually Read more [...]

At 4am, I wake up to the morning dong of the beginning. I'm anxious to what my day has waiting for me. Then comes a ringing bell which gets louder and louder the closer it gets to my room. Tiredness quickly passes my body as I jump up with full excitement. I turn my lights on and head for the bathroom. It's half way through washing my face with a white face wash that I realise my bathroom light has a dodgy connection. It blinks a few times and then stays off. The light from my actual room isn't bright Read more [...]